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A D V E R T I S E M E N T
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A D V E R T I S E M E N T
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ARIES (March 21-April 19): Read these lines by Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai, translated by Chana Block and Stephen Mitchell: “A flock of sheep near the airport or a high voltage generator beside the orchard: These combinations open up my life like a wound, but they also heal it. That’s why my feelings always come in twos.” Draw inspiration from this passage. Rather than experiencing the riddles and contradictions of your life merely as painful schisms, think of them also as mysterious unifications.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): During the run-up to Pennsylvania’s election of a U.S. senator in 2006, the leftist Green Party tried to get its candidate on the ballot. Facing almost insurmountable odds in raising funds, it turned to an unlikely source: conservative Republicans, who gladly and fiendishly contributed money in hope that the nominee would siphon votes away from the Democratic candidate. You may be able to pull off a similar coup in the coming weeks, Taurus: getting an adversary or opponent to aid and abet your cause.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Do you have a pet pig? If so, it’ll be a good week to imitate The Simpsons Movie: Hold your animal friend upside-down and help it simulate creeping along the ceiling. Or try to induce a lucid dream of yourself crawling along the inside of the vault in the Sistine Chapel or hauling your luggage across the underside of a cloud. You need action that’s simultaneously high up and reversed. You’ve got to be grounded yet rebellious as you soar. You need to defy gravity as you take baby steps. Or something like that.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): Wales is at the same latitude as Siberia. Its climate isn’t exactly balmy. That’s why Welsh horticulturalists cheered last summer, when three outdoor banana plants produced fruit at the National Botanical Garden. It was an unprecedented miracle. I predict a comparable development for you, Cancerian. A source that has never been more than lukewarm will get downright tropical. An influence that has been inhospitable to your passion will become fertile and welcoming. As a result, you will bloom in a way you never have before.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “A British study revealed that the average man spends a full six months of his life staring at women in a slack-jawed trance of frustrated desire,” reported The Week magazine. The good news? The omens suggest you have an extraordinary capacity right now to break any trance of frustrated desire you’ve been oppressed by — whether you’re a hetero man or any other kind of Leo. Identify the sad, unrequited longing that evokes your most poignant disappointment and rise up to overthrow it. You’ve got the power to declare your independence.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Lt. Gen. Ricardo S. Sanchez, supreme commander of U.S. troops in Iraq from June 2003 to July 2004, thinks his government has made tragic mistakes. Citing “a catastrophically flawed war plan,” he said, “There has been a glaring display of incompetent strategic leadership from our national leaders.” Sanchez is your role model for the coming week. I hope he inspires you to raise a critique of a group or institution you’ve been an instrumental part of, rebel against the faulty execution of an idea you support, or put your service to moral truth above blind loyalty.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It will be a good week to build your spiritual prowess by dancing on burning embers without getting scorched, painlessly smashing bricks with your forehead, or parachuting out of a plane without scaring yourself to death. But there are other ways to jolt yourself into a higher state of awareness; you don’t need to risk injury. You could push through the terror you feel about asking for what you really want. You could overcome your fear of being honest with people you care about. You could stride into a place where you once experienced a defeat and take forceful action to render that loss irrelevant.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I believe that doing the following challenging assignments will align you with cosmic rhythms and make you more able to attract grace and synchronicity into your life. But you have free will and are always at liberty to choose another path. With that as a caveat, here are the roles I believe you should play in the coming week if you’d like to thrive: a catalytic X-factor, a tender wild card, a friendly shocker, a nonviolent bombshell, an agent provocateur who loves all you survey.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): You now have a talent for seeing what has been invisible, for ferreting out secrets and uncovering hidden agendas. In fact, you can generate good fortune by articulating the confusing truths and unconscious feelings that have been simmering in the shadows. Another task for which you have an exceptional aptitude: drawing long-term cycles to a graceful finish. You have the power to climax meandering dramas that have been resistant to closure. You can find resolution where everyone said there could only be messy ambiguity.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): An atheist won’t be elected president of the United States anytime soon. Polls show that every other minority is viewed more favorably than the God-is-a-fraud crowd. I think that’s a shame. I’m sure the Creator loves cynics who don’t believe in her just as much as she does pious worshippers. Furthermore, I suspect that Her good will is sorely tested by the “religious” fanatics who spread hatred in Her name. So what does this have to do with you? My analysis suggests that you’d be wise to do as I just did, which is to declare your support for people whose ideas you disagree with.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last week, my STARmeter ranking on the Internet Movie Database (imdb.com) shot up 56 percent. I don’t know why. Maybe the movie I helped make in the 1990s finally got distributed in Eastern Europe or something. Even if you’ve never been involved in the motion picture industry, I’m betting your unofficial STARmeter will soon zoom up, too. It may even be time for your 15 minutes of fame. At the very least, you’ll find yourself in the spotlight or rising in the popularity polls or being gossiped about twice as much as usual.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): The Arctic is heating up faster than the rest of the planet. As the ice melts, the far north’s oil, natural gas, and diamonds are becoming more accessible. Russia has already planted its flag on the sea floor, hoping to lay claim to territory that has belonged to no one in particular up until now. Canada, America, and Denmark have also become players in this modern land grab. I predict that you will soon be dealing with a situation with metaphorical resemblances. Frozen assets will become available, and several parties will be caught up in a rush to appropriate them. If you truly believe you’d make best use of those riches, formulate an aggressive action plan immediately.
Homework: Tell what techniques you’ve discovered about feeding honey to crocodiles. Go to RealAstrology.com; click on “Email Rob.”
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