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A D V E R T I S E M E N T
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A D V E R T I S E M E N T
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ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Ambition is a bad excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy,” my ex-girlfriend Arlene used to say. She claimed to be a Zen master whose duty it was to deprogram me out of my absurd striving to make something of myself. “You’re attached to your identity as a poet,” she’d yell as I toiled over my writing. “Come out here! Have the spiritual guts to lose your grandiose self in a meaningless game show.” While I did eventually learn to appreciate the value of emptiness, I don’t downplay ambition. I exhort you, Aries, to treat your desires as sacred rocket fuel in 2008. In the coming months, I will intensify my efforts to supercharge your ambition.
TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices,” said Laurence J. Peter. One of your top assignments in 2008 will be to prove him wrong. I hope you will aggressively pursue a more authentic form of higher learning in numerous ways: exploring the frontiers of your world, reading more good books, seeking out the company of original thinkers. I trust that as you expose yourself to novel data and expansive perspectives, you will get your mind blown over and over again.
GEMINI (May 21-June 20): How do you numb your pain, Gemini? In 2008, I suggest that you do that less than you ever have before. Instead, launch a fierce, relentless campaign to heal the pain so that you no longer have to numb it. The omens say that if you establish that as your intention, you will attract into your life the helpers and inspiration you need to make it happen. More than that: You’ll be likely to generate the kind of good fortune that will render at least some of the pain obsolete.
CANCER (June 21-July 22): You worked your ass off in 2007. Am I right, my fellow Cancerian? In fact, you threw yourself into your hard labors with so much dutiful fervor that you sometimes lost sight of the fact that they were mostly just preparation for bigger and better assignments. Luckily for you, I’m here to snap you out of your amnesia. Please begin immediately to formulate a vision of how you will make the transition to those bigger and better assignments.
LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Some weeds are good for flowers and vegetables, protecting them from predatory insects. So say Stan Finch and Rosemary Collier in Biologist magazine. When the bugs come looking for their special treats — the plants we love — they often get waylaid by the weeds and think there’s nothing more valuable nearby. So when cabbages are planted in clover, flies lay eggs on only seven percent of them, compared to a 36 percent infestation rate on cabbages grown in bare soil. Use this as a key metaphor in 2008, Leo. Make sure there are always a few chickweeds or henbit plants surrounding your ripening tomatoes.
VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “Life is a punishment,” wrote Robert Frost. “All we can contribute to it is gracefulness in taking the punishment.” No, I say life is a miraculous gift, and the best way to express our gratitude is for us to be fountains of generosity. Where do you stand on the issue, Virgo? I think you’ll have good reasons to convert to my perspective in 2008. You will, of course, have to be open to that possibility for it to happen. If you’re addicted to believing that life is punishment, you’ll miss a flood of clues contradicting that quaint notion.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): The coming months will be a favorable time to work on improving your number-one relationship: you know, the one between you and yourself. I hope you’ll have a lot of long, deep, sympathetic conversations with yourself in 2008, even as you cut way back on the scattered, careless, unloving conversations. To get your pep talks off to a hot start, go to a mirror that makes you look your very best and unleash a hail of wild praise and outrageous compliments toward the gorgeous genius gazing back at you.
SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I meditated on the perfect holiday gift for you. What might inspire you to be in closest alignment with the cosmic currents in 2008? I decided that if I could, I’d buy you a costume shop so you could try on a thousand different masks and disguises. That would put you in the proper frame of mind for the assignment I hope you will carry out all year long, which is to play with your identity, experiment with new self-images, and maybe even treat your life as an epic theatrical extravaganza.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Due to the gravitational pull of the Moon, the Earth’s rotation is gradually slowing. A billion years ago, a day lasted only 18 hours. In about 14 million years, it will be 48 hours long. Imagine how much more you’ll be able to accomplish with all that extra time. By then, I’m sure someone will have also invented a pill that reduces the amount of sleep you need. In 2008, I predict you will be blessed with a foreshadowing of that glorious period. You will work smarter and do things more efficiently and engage in less wasted motion and maintain a crisper to-do list. Because of that, time will seem to expand for you.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): André Malraux observed that Jesus Christ was the only anarchist who ever really succeeded. It’s no coincidence that Christ was a Capricorn, I might add, since the evolved members of your tribe have many qualities necessary to thrive in situations with no formal rules or laws. I think 2008 will be a very favorable time for you to move closer to being the highly evolved Capricorn you were born to be, so why not cultivate the qualities of a successful anarchist? In other words, be self-motivated, disciplined, and respectful of the needs of other people. Do the right thing without having to be coerced. Foster a reverence for freedom and a knack for making constructive use of your freedom.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Last July 11, lightning zapped the steeple of the Newman United Methodist Church in Grants Pass, Ore. Later that same evening, another bolt struck the same spot. Was this bad luck? A punishing message from an angry God? No. The rare double shot knocked the siding off the steeple, revealing a problem that no one had suspected: The inner structure was rife with dry rot that would have collapsed soon. In exposing the hidden danger, the lightning did everyone a big favor. I predict that you will benefit from a metaphorically comparable sequence in early 2008.
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If you wanted to, you could be a skilled rainmaker in 2008, and make big bucks catalyzing downpours in drought-stricken areas. You might even be able to divert the flows of rivers, purify the pollution out of suffering lakes, and staunch the tears of people who’ve cried way too much. In other words, Pisces, you will have great power over the element of water. You could even use your wizardry to achieve a masterful equanimity toward your own oceanic emotions.
Homework: What’s the one feeling you want to feel more than any other in 2008? Go to RealAstrology.com; click on “Email Rob.”
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