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A D V E R T I S E M E N T
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A D V E R T I S E M E N T
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This Grinch Got a Steal for Christmas
A sharp candy cane in the eye beats going shopping at a mall at this time of year but it’s tough to avoid malls when marketing geniuses have turned the holiday into a spending smorgasbord that would shame an ancient Roman. We fight traffic to get to malls, battle masses of metal in parking lots, walk for eternities, jostle hordes of wild-eyed shoppers, and wait in long lines to overpay for stuff. Why do large families walk side-by-side in mall aisles? It’s like two trucks carrying trailer houses keeping each other company on I-30 at 10 mph during rush hour. At least the old people who put on jogging suits and use the mall for a YMCA are walking at a pace that doesn’t congest everything. (Static will now take another drink of bourbony eggnog and hope Santa is either a myth or doesn’t read Fort Worth Weekly.)
Surprisingly, a recent jaunt to North Hills Mall was wonderfully satisfying. Many retailers, including Foley’s, have deserted the building, and the few remaining stores offered great sales. A toy store that was closing its business knocked down prices 80 percent on everything. The mall was almost deserted, and bargain hunters were more likely to bump into tumbleweeds than shoppers. A retailer’s nightmare? Yes. But it was the best mall experience of Static’s life.
His Chestnuts are Roasting
Static couldn’t decide whether it would be safer to wiggle down Ed Bass’ chimney or hike up the City Center stairwells to deliver his Christmas gift this year. Either route would likely involve dealing with one of those uniformed, gun-toting City Center Security agents and possibly a real cop as well. So we decided to keep Ed’s present, beautifully wrapped in newsprint, in the Weekly’s office. He can pick it up the next time he stops by to chat about plans for the old Bank One building.
As most folks struggled to wrap up our Christmas shopping this week (see first item), Bass’ tomb-like tower marked its thousandth day as a defiant middle digit on the city skyline. We were hoping that the multimillionaire, overcome with the joy of Christmas giving, would whip out his ATM card and make the thing go away this year. But he apparently had other projects more deserving of his pocket change. We hope his Bassness will take care of this unfinished business before next Christmas. To be safe, though, we’re heading out first thing Friday morning to shop for Mr. Ed’s gift for 2003 — a thorny mesquite switch to go with the plywood-boxed lump of coal awaiting him on Static’s desk.
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